Soundtrack to my life: Episode III
The other day I heard a song on the radio and I flashed back to one of the worst days of my life. The song is a very good one and is by one of my favorite bands, Pink Floyd. Their song "Wish You Were Here" not only reminds me of that day but I listened to it a lot afterward and it helped to comfort me in a way. Even now I am listening to it as I type this. My entire blog has been meant to be humorous and tell stories of my life and the world so in no way am I trying to be a downer by typing this episode but I find it rather therapeutic to put myself out there and share what I have gone through. Maybe some people out there have dealt with the same thing. It was back in August a few years ago when it happened. It seems like forever ago that I heard the judge give his verdict, but his voice echoes in my head. I used to fear those words and prayed that I would never hear them but I suppose it was meant to be. For a long time I had tried to see my eldest son but it seemed to fall through. Many factors were involved and it always seemed to work against me. I mean, it was no ones fault really. Miscommunication, hesitation, and assumptions were the culprits but I had one shred of hope that I would win out in the end and have my chance. One day my sons mom called requesting that I sign over my rights so that her husband could adopt him. After that sentence I honestly don't remember the rest of the conversation. I was there but not really there. I had zoned out and all I could think of was our son. I understand that it may have been the better choice since it had been so long since we had seen each other and that maybe he needed their last name to feel normal but I didn't want to let him go. I wanted to fight and since I was working and making good money I was finally able to lawyer up.
I did not care about how much money I was going to pay in child support, I was more concerned with what I would say to my son if I was able to see him. I had been preparing a speech for some time but if we had our chance I'm sure I would have choked up and screwed it up. After many meetings with my lawyer and an appearance with the referee in Allegan it was finally time to face the judge. Everyone sat in the courtroom waiting for the judge to come out and I was nervous. My lawyer had stepped out to get check on something and when she returned she seemed upset. I asked her what was wrong and she said that the judge had just now looked at our case. We had been working up to this day for some time now and he was just looking it over. I had a bad feeling and I could tell it was not going to end the way I had hoped. After about two hours of testimony the judge walked out to read over everything again. It had been between five and ten minutes when the judge returned. He sat and looked over at us and then ruled in favor of my ex. My heart sunk, my mouth dried up and my eyes were instantly shrink wrapped in tears. I couldn't move but I could hear the sigh of relief and happiness from the other party. I could only see them out of the corner of my eye and the handshaking and hugging made me want to run out of the room but I just sat there. The judge awarded them full custody, the right to adopt, and made me aware that my parental rights had been terminated. He walked out fast and all my lawyer could do was apologize over and over to me. I finally turned around to see my wife crying and I had hoped I was having a nightmare. I wanted to wake up and try again but this was it. It was over...We left the courtroom and walked down the hallway where I could hear them in a conference room. They sounded so happy and I don't blame them. I would have been doing the same thing had I won but it wasn't meant to be.
It was one of the worst days of my life and I hold no grudges. After that day I kept playing it back in my head. What could I have done different? Later on I was listening to Pink Floyd and "Wish You Were Here" came on. It made me think of him and my day in court. Everyone said I would lose in Allegan but I didn't want to believe it. I did lose but one day we will meet up and it will be a good day. This song will always play a role in my life and will remind me of the day the law told me I no longer had a son. I suppose it's not all that bad because the song also confirms how much I love him and how I "Wish You Were Here".