Soundtrack to my life: Episode I

"The entertainment for this evening is not new, you've seen this entertainment through and through you have seen your birth, your life, your may recall all the rest. Did you have a good world when you died - enough to base a movie on?"— Jim Morrison (An American Prayer)

I am 30 years old and I can safely say that I have lived a crazy enough life so far to base a movie on. From what you have read on Jabber Log you might agree that some of the stories would be great to see on film. They will forever be embedded within my brain and just like any movie it requires a soundtrack to keep it moving along. I have dealt with a lot in my life and it seems that there has always been a certain band or song that has accompanied me through that specific chapter in my life. Just a few that I can think of are Korn's "Blind" during high school and certain rebellious and creative moments. The Doors, Jimi Hendrix, and Janis Joplin during my days trying to get through my parents divorce. It was a pretty "mellow" and "green" time. A euphoric ride through a harsh time but I don't regret any of it.

A song that really sticks out is "Soul To Squeeze" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers. Every time I hear it I zone out and flash back to one of the times I saw my eldest son Richie. When I first started seeing him again after his mother and I split up he was about a year and a half and it was bittersweet. My family from Florida was visiting and we had gone to a cookout at my Tio Steve's house. I remember seeing all of my cousins and their kids and I was depressed. I wanted to have my boy with me and spend some time with him but I couldn't. We were all lining up to eat and I noticed my mom was gone. I was told she had gone to get some more plates and napkins from the store but it seemed like she had been gone longer than just a trip to the store. When she returned I saw she had someone small in her arms. I dropped my plate of food and ran toward my mom. She had Richie with her and I was emotional like you wouldn't believe. He looked toward me and jumped into my arms. I held him so tight and I held back from crying. We spent a few hours together and it was one of the greatest times in my life. At the end of our visit he reached for me as my mom tried to put him in the car. He cried and cried that he didn't want to leave. It broke my heart...

I was able to see him a few days later and we spent the day at my Tia Cruz's house. I didn't want to let him out of my sight. He gave me hugs and sat on my lap. At the end of the day I sat in back of my mom's car with Richie as she drove us back to drop him off. She had the radio on and as we drove off "Soul To Squeeze" came on.

"Yes! This is the Red Hot Chili Peppers mijo."

He got a big smile and threw his hands up and yelled, “Chili Peppers!”

We swayed back and forth as the music played. We pretended to play instruments and I didn’t want the moment to end. When it did we said our goodbyes and till this day I remember and cherish that moment. Whenever I hear that song I think of him and the time we shared during that song. As I type and fight back my tears I have to remember that this is a good memory and I can always play the song to flash back when I feel the need. There are many more songs that fill the soundtrack to my life and this is one of them. I now have a need for some “Soul To Squeeze”, I love you mijo…until that day.